On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
