My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
