and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
