dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
