I skipped work to stalk him.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
