everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
