It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize