so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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