this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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