SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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