Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
