he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
