i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
