So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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