I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
