im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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