Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
