I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
