mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
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He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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