Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
