i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
