thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
