She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
