guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
