dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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