I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
