Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
