Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
