The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
