Soap is not a condiment
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
