Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
