Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
