Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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