Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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