Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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