I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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