he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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