What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
