Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
