We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have fence marks all over my body
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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