forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
