Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
