his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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