Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
