I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
