Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
