Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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