you traded sex for a burrito?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
