What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
