R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
