I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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