i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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