if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
