omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
