so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
