Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
