I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
