Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
