We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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