you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
