Cold hands, warm shart.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
