physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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