So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
