You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
