Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
