shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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