the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
