I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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