Will you blow on my dice?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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