Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
