Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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