she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
