the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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