either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
