Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
