hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
