I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
