I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
