He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
