I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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