a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
