I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize